Danish Weddings

I've been to three Danish weddings since moving to Denmark in 2009, four if you count my own which was a little bit like baptism by fire, as we say in the U.S. of A. The Danes have many traditions when it comes to weddings and I was fortunate enough to discover many of them for the first time not as a guest, but as the bride in my own wedding. The first tradition being when the bride or groom leaves the room. Depending on who leaves first, determines who gets a chance to kiss the bride or groom first. My husband happened to be the first to step away from the room when we were married and before I knew what was happening, swarms of men were coming at me. My husband's friends Bjørn and Anne witnessed the fear on my face in those first moments of husband and wife in our new life of what was soon to be the first of many Danish traditions I would come to learn and enjoy. Last weekend we had the pleasure of celebrating Bjørn and Anne's union on the island of Møn, the same place we had exchanged our vows three years ago. Except this time it was nice to be the guest and participant instead of on the receiving end of the tradition.

In Denmark the wedding festivities begin for both bride and groom with a bachelor/bachelorette or stag/hen party, as we call them in the U.S. and UK. Except in Denmark the party is called a polterabend for both guys and girls. The word is German and although 'abend' means night, the event lasts all day long. Unlike in the U.S. where the party date is typically known and decided by the bride and groom, in Denmark both parties are surprised by friends the day of the event and expected to pack attire often in a moment's notice. Day activities can be anywhere from paintball to climbing trees to go-kart racing or fencing to making cd's and wine tasting. Breakfast and/or lunch is also planned to break up the day activities before dinner and the evening events begin. As in customary, drinking is usually involved from beginning to end.

Which brings me back to the wedding. A toast master is often assigned and this person's task is to coordinate all the speeches and toasts throughout the dinner, which in Denmark can last anywhere from 4-6 hours. Bjørn and Anne had 9 speeches in total, and almost missed the couple's first dance which is typically the Waltz. This needs to be done before midnight the day of the wedding or they will have bad luck (or so the tradition/superstition goes). While the couple dances, the guests circle and close in around them until the groom is lifted up above the crowd, so his friends can take off his shoes and cut the tips of his socks off. This is believed to symbolize the change in status of a man from single to married. Strange? Perhaps. But there are also some really great traditions. Like enjoying cake and champagne immediately after the ceremony. After all, why should one wait?

No matter the country or tradition, nothing compares to celebrating the union of good friends and couples who attended your very own wedding. This summer alone I was lucky enough to be the guest of three weddings and one baptism (and counting...)!

The Office

I've been full-time for three weeks now and there are some things about working in a Danish office environment that are very different from an American one. In ode to the British and American TV Show, I thought I'd take the opportunity to share them here. First of all, working in an office in Denmark is just as much about your personality, your interests, and who you are as a person, as it is about your professional or technical skills. The Danish word "hygge" comes to mind here. The Danes like to create a cozy environment at all times, and there are many social occasions or rituals in the office throughout the week where personality becomes a factor.

The first being daily lunch. In a typical office environment food is provided or catered in, and all employees contribute financially to it out of their paychecks. It is served at 12pm every day and it is a group event. No running out to grab lunch, or bringing in food from home. In the US it would be very normal to sit at your desk and go online during lunch, or continue to work while you eat. In DK everyone sits down together and has interesting conversation about work, personal interests, or whatever current events are happening in the world. My experience as one of the few American employees in the office, is as the "official sponsor" for my country. Meaning, whenever there is something happening in the world where the US has had some sort of involvement, you will be asked your opinion or viewpoint "from the American people." This has taught me to pay attention to current events, for which I can thank my news junkie of a husband!

The second very social event of the week is the Friday breakfast. Every Friday morning Danes all across the country go to their local Baker before work to pick up fresh bread and pastries. Typically beginning at 9am or shortly thereafter, everyone gathers to have breakfast together. Juice, coffee, bread, cheese, marmalade, butter and nutella are common items served, and sometimes some pastries are also offered. This is also where I became addicted to the very Danish breakfast concoction of bread, butter, cheese, and marmalade on top. (Don't knock it until you try it!) It is nearly impossible for me to just have plain old bread with butter anymore, especially when cheese and marmalade are involved. At Friday breakfast, we usually catch up from the events of the week or talk about weekend plans, another very social event. Some Fridays in the offices across Denmark are officially finished off with a Friday bar, or drinks in the office typically beginning at 3pm. So with breakfast, lunch, and happy hour on Fridays, that makes for approximately 4 hours to get your work done that day. Not bad!

Besides lunch and breakfast, another lovely habit I have come to enjoy is the communal fruit basket. Danes have a high focus on health and instead of a vending machine packed with sugar and salt filled snacks, fresh fruit and vegetables are replenished every Monday morning for employees to snack on throughout the week, free of charge. However, a not so healthy habit that I have picked up on is the daily dose of insane amounts of coffee. I went from only having one cup of coffee in the morning in the US (usually brought to work from Starbucks or Corner Bakery) in addition to an afternoon tea, to having one cup of coffee at home in the morning and another at the office when I get in, to a mid-afternoon coffee (usually decaf or black tea) to a final cup of coffee in the evenings (always decaf) in Denmark. I partly blame that on the cold and damp weather but I would be lying if I didn't also say there was a social factor involved that began with my husband's parents. There is not an evening coffee event to this day where they don't have a bottle of Bailey's nearby so I can enjoy that in my coffee, and therefore consider it a more of a nightcap. One wouldn't want to disrupt their sleep by having caffeine after 3pm! A family joke of which I have often (and happily) bore the the brunt.

Which brings me to my final point. A sense of humor (or humour) is another key ingredient to living and working in Denmark. The Danes have an odd sense of humor at times, but one that I have come to thoroughly enjoy. They love to laugh and in general have a good time whether they are at work or play. Hygge is not such a bad thing after all. Even though in the US it could 'officially' never be allowed to be a selection criteria.

Back to Reality

This past Monday reality set in as I began working a full-time job again. Since May, 2009 my life has been a series of adjustments given my new status as an expat. I went through a period of several months after first arriving in Denmark where I didn't know what the future held for me in this foreign land. However, all signs pointed towards learning the language. Not only so I could understand the world around me, my temporary residency and/or immigration contract pretty much required language lessons before I could be considered a permanent resident. Despite the rules, I wanted to learn the language as I had married into the culture and wanted to be able to speak to my Danish family one day. After 6 months of looking for work in Denmark, I quickly realized the fact that not having my Masters or the ability to speak the native language were two strikes against me, preventing me from finding work and/or being just as successful in Denmark as I had been in the United States. So Danish lessons began and so did the application process for business school.

Three years later, I have worked hard to 'level the playing field' between Denmark and the US when it comes to career and the enjoyment of everyday life in general. I can understand approximately 80-90% of what is spoken and can make my way through most social situations. In-depth conversations and/or work concepts are still difficult but I know once I take the final fifth module in Danish that will only get easier. I received my Masters in Economics and Business Administration which I've been told lies somewhere between an MBA and a PhD in the US. I'm not the sort of person that brags, but I am proud of what I have been able to accomplish. However, despite my hard work the current employment economy is hard for the average Dane to find work just graduating from university, not to mention a foreigner. What I didn't anticipate post graduate degree, was that I might be considered just another recent graduate, versus an experienced professional with over 10 years experience on top of her recent education.

So while I was lucky enough to find full-time work, the level of success in terms of my career in Denmark remains to be seen. Recent conversations and other expat experiences have given me the impression that the language barrier will continue to be an issue and while organizationally the flat hierarchy of the Scandinavian culture makes for a 'cozy' work environment, financial success may be harder to achieve for an experienced professional. However, the jury is still out on that last statement as I know several Danes that would attest to financial success being greater for them in Denmark versus other countries. The only conclusion I can make from that is when it comes to developed countries in general, citizens may always have a greater impression of perceived success in their native land. The reality could in fact be very different. On the other hand, perhaps it all comes down to how you define success.

Endless Summer

A month and two weeks since my last post can only mean two things. I have been busy enough not to be in front of the computer every day, and enjoying the Summer schedule and weather. All of which are good excuses to have. However, for those family and friends that keep up on my life in Denmark, here is a recap of events from the other side of the pond.

The Summer was kicked off by a trip to visit friends and family and enjoy the 30+ degree Celsius or 90+ degree Fahrenheit weather in the States. My good friend Lori was married on June 23rd and the opportunity to be involved in her wedding was an honor I will always treasure. After reconnecting with mates in Chicago, I made the trek to Wisconsin to see my sister, little nephews, and girlfriends from high school. No matter how many years or months pass, making the time to see each other on these trips back are priceless. My heart aches with each goodbye but I know it is only temporary.

Less than 24 hours after I landed back in DK in July I defended my thesis and officially ended my graduate education receiving a 10. In US terms that would be an A or AB depending on the grading scale so I am very happy to not only have delivered an 80 page paper worth reading, but to have written it on a topic I find extremely interesting and relevant. It focused on sustainability and innovation, combining personal interest with academic research. My Danish family and good friend Beth were there to congratulate me on the final result and enjoy champagne, kransekage (small Danish cookies made with marzipan) and a celebratory dinner at a local restaurant.

Two days later my brother and sister-in-law arrived from the States to enjoy 10 days in Denmark with me and my husband. This was a first trip to Europe for my brother and one that my sister-in-law and I were determined to make special. Our time was spent enjoying canal tours, castle trips, cliff hikes, Danish in-laws, and sightseeing in beautiful Skagen. The trip to Frederiksborg Slot was truly an experience, enough to make it my favorite castle in Denmark. Not sure if it was the good company or the beautiful weather and scenery, but probably all of the above. While visiting my in-laws on the island of Møn, I think my family was overwhelmed at the hospitality not to mention the length of time and amount of food served during a traditional dinner feast in Denmark, which made that a fun memory as well. However, my favorite experience of this Summer by far was witnessing the beauty of Skagen.

I have wanted to go to the northern most point of Denmark since I arrived just over three years ago, so when my family decided to spend their entire 10 days in Europe, in Denmark, I jumped at the chance to take them there as well. It's a 6 hour drive from southern Denmark on a good day of traffic, but the trip is worth every kilometer. Painters and artists are known to have traveled to Skagen due to the light and colors it evokes. Tourists, myself included, travel to Grenen to witness the waters of two oceans collide. I will never forget the walk. The beauty of the sky and ocean blending into one, and the refreshing air and soft sandy beaches were enough to actually bring me to tears. It was a sight to see and a location to experience for anyone willing to make the 9 hour flight and 6 hour drive.

Signed, Sealed, and Delivered!

On May 31, 2012 I completed my graduate education at Copenhagen Business School. I handed in my Master thesis one day ahead of schedule completing 5 months of research and writing. I technically had until August 27th to hand in the thesis per my contract, but due to travel plans and visitors, I worked ahead so I could enjoy the Summer. The plan was to be done before travels began in June however, CBS had other plans for me.

In Denmark the written paper is not enough, every Master student needs to orally defend their thesis in front of an advisor and a censor. This way of testing begins at a very early age in Denmark and is done for two reasons. Due to the fact that many projects and papers are done in groups, the oral exam verifies whether individual students actually put in the work. It also tests a student's proficiency and knowledge on the topic. Even though I wrote my thesis alone, this test will still be done. If I can anticipate this experience based on past ones, it usually ends up being an intellectual conversation about the topic. One censor even said that their overall goal is to make our last day/experience at CBS a good one. That doesn't mean it will be any less anxiety ridden, given it is the final grade I will receive and count as an entire semester. However, I'm hoping after my vacation in the States I will be relaxed and at peace with whatever the outcome is.

The presentation is already prepared (as my oral exam was supposed to be yesterday) so I have decided to put it out of my mind over the next two weeks. I was told in January that if I handed in my thesis by June 1st it would be possible to be done early, but the rules state that the oral defense date and search for a censor cannot be made prior to hand-in of the thesis. I've lived in Denmark long enough to know that rules are rarely, if ever bent. My advisor is not the normal Dane which means he was willing to work with me, but unfortunately the person in charge of finding the censor is like the majority of Danes. However disappointed I am in the administration, it is almost fitting that I will be leaving CBS the same way I came in. I am just grateful the academic program is so strong.

Different but Good

I've often been asked how life is living abroad and the best way to sum up the answer in one line is: different, but good. It took me a long time to get to this point, however. Living in a foreign speaking land is very different than traveling to a foreign land. The former is real, the latter is only temporary. Therefore your mindset is completely different. If you know you will never see people again you may act differently than if you know this will be your life for the next few years. Integration becomes important which means getting a job and meeting people. However, when you don't know the language that is the first step which will determine how life in your current land turns out. Marrying into the culture also has different implications. On the one hand you have the rest of your life to learn about the language and culture, and on the other hand you can't wait for the rest of your life to begin. There is also a subtle nudge from society and your loved ones to join in on the fun.

So onto Danish class I went, and in many ways it saved me during the first year. A new world opened up which in many ways I had no idea existed. I met many friends from foreign lands, all going through the same cultural pains. We were all highly educated and skilled people suddenly without a network or job and it felt like we were back in grade school again. But we embraced it and learned the language like it was our job. Slowly little things began to make sense and the daily hum started to become clear. Like the sun breaking through the clouds, which when living in Denmark, you begin to appreciate in an entirely new way. These bursts of sunshine are appreciated and celebrated in small ways. Asking for something in Danish and having the person understand you set the tone for the day. Soon all the weird and strange cultural differences start to make sense. Scandinavia may look the same as many western countries on the outside, but the tone on the inside is very different. It is humble and honest. Outspoken and educated. Debate is embraced and work-life balance is expected. Help is not offered, unless asked. Meals are meant to be enjoyed, not rushed. Friendships are not casual, they are life-time investments.

It wasn't until my second year in Denmark when I began studying at Copenhagen Business School and started working that I met and interacted with Danes on a daily basis. This changed my entire perspective and life experience. Work attire and attitude in general is much more casual and relaxed than in the US. Employees are expected to have an opinion and share it, not just go along with the decision. Education is much harder. Going to all the classes and reading all the material is no longer the requirement needed to do well in a class. The depth of understanding and level of analysis becomes the measure by which students are judged. Oral debate and discussion is part of the grade. In many ways, these working and learning experiences changed my entire outlook on Danish society which led to my greater understanding and appreciation of the culture. Which leads me to a something a Danish anthropologist once said: "You may not agree with the culture, but if you choose to live here, you should try to understand it."

The Home Stretch

I have entered the final stages of the Master Thesis process. That means case company interviews are nearly finished, with the final one scheduled this week. Transcriptions are almost done, which means for each 30 minutes of interview the result has been 3-4 hours of reiterating verbatim what was said via a word summary. I have done this six times, and have two final summaries to write.Transcriptions are written so the research can be dissected and analyzed and compared with theory, ultimately providing the direction and conclusion of the thesis.

Three sections of the thesis have been written, leaving two major sections and two summary sections left before I hand it in on June 1st, completing my business school education. If my calculations are correct, that would involve writing approximately one section per week in May, leaving the last week for final edits and review of the paper. The findings, analysis, conclusion, perspectives and an executive summary are all that remain. This is where things start to get interesting and my personal favorite part of the process. Where you start to make sense of everything you have gathered. Categorizing the data, matching theory with practice, noticing the gaps, identifying the patterns, or creating new theory or recommendations for further research.

Anyone that knows me well, knows that I am the type of person who has always tried to make sense of my environment, or experiences, comparing reality with expectations, and coming up with recommendations for the future. How to cope, how to create the reality you want, how to be a better person, how to get in shape, whatever it may be. This has been done mostly through discussions with friends or by writing ideas down. Although, I have always been a writer at heart. Writing allows you to take the time to think, reflect, communicate what you are really trying to say, in a thoughtful and meaningful way. Too many people just talk without thinking and for those who are able to think and talk strategically on their feet, I salute. That is a gift in its own right.

Inspiration for ideas comes in many forms. Sometimes it is enabled through discussion, other times it is facilitated through quiet reflection, and most times it is a combination of both. Working in projects, like is the norm at Copenhagen Business School and the Danish education system in general, has allowed me to put my idea generation and professional project management experience to use. No all-nighters were necessary and each project was delivered on time, or ahead of schedule. My education has enabled me to utilize my writing skills and strengthen my presentation skills as each project, including the master thesis, needs to be orally defended. Something I will take with me into my professional career for years to come. The home stretch is here. Where it will lead, is anyone's guess - but the future is certainly looking bright.